He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Randomize
