Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
