So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
