Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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