This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
