I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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