I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.