If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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