The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie