I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.