I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
A+ Viking dick