There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
