i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower