i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
