I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
