singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?