he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
