i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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