So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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