You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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