update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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