so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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