My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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