At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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