Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
