I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
