I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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