Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
