I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm having to shit out rocks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
