just come out here and I will go home with you...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
