were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
