my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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