just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
