How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
