you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
