I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
