So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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