i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
