Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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