someone get that fucking seahorse.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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