yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
