So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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