so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
