Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
