let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
