and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
