It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
