I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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