Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.