Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.