he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.