No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.