Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
