Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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