theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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