If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
