apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
