please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
