i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
