Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.