Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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