Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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