I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
