I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
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I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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