Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
