Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
