gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
