seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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