Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
