I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
