I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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