I will die if light touches me.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This toilet bowl is my home.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
