don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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