What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
