god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
