remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
