how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Houston, we have a squirter
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
