the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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