just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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