we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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