As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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