I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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