She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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