So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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