whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
