yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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