And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
