I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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