She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
