I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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