this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
