Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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