Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
