I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
