You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
