I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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