he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
