a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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