remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
